"And just like the movies..."

On Monday night I watched Behind Enemy Lines. To me it's one of those movies that while I'm watching it I just know it's an awesome movie and that I love it. I've seen it maybe twice before but it's still just as good. I get the same feeling from Tears of the Sun, Van Helsing and Cold Mountain. And while I was watching the movie on Monday night I wondered what it is that I like about these movies cos when you see them they're all pretty violent and I don't like violent movies at all.

What I love about a movie is when you can feel the intensity of the scene with very little effort from the movie itself and you can't stop thinking about it afterwards. I'm not a fan of chick flicks or romantic comedys. Yeah they're nice and give you warm fuzzys but you don't think about them for days afterwards and continue to be amazed at what you feel from it.

In Behind Enemy Lines it's the scene where his commander can see him via satellite and they can see he's being chased and they see him fall and they can't understand why he's not being caught and then you see that he's lying in ditch with bodies. In Tears of the Sun it's the part where they find the village and there's ethnic cleansing. Van Helsing and Cold Mountain have similar scenes.

Signs is another movie that I could rave about for hours. The scene where they are outside and you can see a person just standing on the roof of one of their buildings. And how the director uses music or lack of music to get you to feel stuff in the movie.

So what makes a movie more than just a movie? For me it's not the happy ending, the graphics or the celebrities that are in it. It's that feeling that it's a really good movie. The ability of the movie to make me feel something intensely and not be able to forget about it. It's the movie that makes me want to see it again.

For Kate

And everyone else that misses me when I don't blog.

Tonight my Mum flies out to Melbourne to see my brother. You have no idea how much I want to get into her suitcase and go with her. But the excess backage charge would probably be more expensive then my just buying a ticket. And a lot less comfortable (Fly Emirates!!! They're awesome!). I really wish I was going. How good would it be to walk around those streets again. To not be as cold as I am here. To just hang out with Jeremy - having coffee, watching a band, eating breakfast somewhere, walking around St Kilda.

So really I think this blog should be called "For Jeremy". And maybe this blog will be about him and my getting to know him. Here goes:

When I was just a wee girl (I think 7 to be exact) my brother moved out of home. Not overwhelmingly exciting considering he is about 13 or 14 years older than me. And so for the next 12 years or so I didn't really see him much. Then when I was 19 I decided I wanted to go overseas for a wee bit and I went and lived with him in Melbourne. Possibly the most frightening thing I've ever done cos I was leaving everything I knew to live with a guy I didn't. But I am so glad I did. Jeremy is the loveliest man I know. If I could pick anyone to be my brother I'd always pick him. He's so talented and sweet and caring and funny. You have no idea how funny (and I'm not easily impressed - hey wow a blue car!!!). He's an ideas man, a bit political, a bit racial. Not too sure what sort he is. (I realise as I write this no one will understand but if he reads this he will).

I'm not really sure what else to write. Just that I miss him heaps and can't wait to see him again. And that I'm so glad I got to know him because my life would be so much less if I had just stayed in Christchurch and not spent time with him.

Second Attempt

I wrote this big blog or most of a blog about my trip to Dunedin on the weekend but it just wasn't doing it for me. It was so funny being there but when I try to explain it it feels like maybe you just had to be there, mind you, it's gonna be a great roundabout! (That's an example of just having to be there ok?)

And so I'll finish something I started a while back. When I talked about faith Andrew (I think it was Andrew) asked me to define or explain my faith. And the simple answer is that I can't. Because if I can explain it it's not faith in more. It's a proven fact. Faith to me is believing in something I can't prove but I just believe it is there. Example from a conversation I had this morning - some of you will recognise it from good old DCTalk - my faith in God is like the wind. I know the wind is there, I feel it and I see the effects of it but I can't actually see it.

There is something I will right about from the weekend and that was a car crash that me and Paul saw. Well heard is more accurate. We heard this crash and were like wonder what that was and then we saw people running so we went to the bridge and there was a car upside down in the water with someone inside. Was the strangest feeling watching these big men (roadworkers that had been across the road) in the river trying to open the door of the car and hearing their voices getting more and more panicked as they realised they couldn't get the door open and the guy inside wasn't moving. They did get him out and he was ok but for those few moments I couldn't handle the idea that I could be watching someones life ending. It was so intense and I was quiet for the rest of the day. Just shocked I guess. Lets not do that again!

Lastly has anyone else noticed that I only wrote once about flatting and yet this is called "Diary of a New Flatter"?

When good ankles go bad...

As Sharyn and Simona have managed to get the practise of Not-Studying-By-Blogging down to a fine art I feel that it is time I did the same. I'm not very good at it just yet but here goes...

I'm going to procrastinate by tell you a story about Priscilla. Now most of you know My Fountain of Rugby Knowledge but what you don't know about her is that she runs. Runs most days. Runs like 10kms a day. I think she's mad but she says she's training for a marathon so I have to be impressed. Anyways a couple of weeks back she sprained her ankle (I had to spell check ankle. It looks funny) when she was running. She had to limp back to her car in the dark. So for a week or so she limped around on her sprained ankle and went to the physio and all that but it still didn't get better. Then one day it swelled up to 3 times it's normal size. So being a little worried she went to the doctors...an afternoon at the doctors and an x-ray later she finds out that she hasn't actually sprained her ankle but broken it. Yip she'd walked around on it, ran on it a couple of times and biked on it (Yes she bikes too...something about a triathalon after the marathon) when it was not sprained but broken. So now she's on crutches but no plaster (she's been ripped off...broken limbs need plasters to look impressive). The marathon was last weekend and so she didn't get to go in it. So that's my story. She thought she'd sprained her ankle but actually it was broken. Didn't she do well!

Pete Murray - So Beautiful

Found myself just the other day

In the backyard of a friends place,

Thinkin' about you,

Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,

What you up too where you been?

(Just thinkin')

And all the clothes that you wear,

And the colors in your hair

Shouldn't change you

Now you tell me why it's so

You bigger than mighty Joe,

(At least you think so)

God my fingers burn,

Now when I think of touching your hair

You have changed so much that I don't know,

If I can call you and tell you I care

And I would love to bring you down,

Plant your feet back on the ground

Throw my smoke down on the ground,

Turn my head and I heard the sound,

(That reminded me)

Of the days so young and sweet

Always so much fun to meet

(At least I thought so)

Now you think your so damn fine

You can rule the world no not mine,

I don't think so

God my fingers burn,

Now when I think of touching your hair

You have changed so much that I don't know,

If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you're in,

And the people that you been with

Just get to me,

But you think I'm not as cool,

As you are so beautiful

Well who you fooling?

Well I'm here to tell you babe

The game your in is just a game

So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,

Now when I think of touching your hair

You have changed so much that I don't know,

If I can call you and tell you I care

And I would love to bring you down,

Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you're so beautiful

(So beautiful)

This song always makes me think of someone I knew very well a while ago. It reminds me how he changed cos of who he was with. But then after that I wonder if that is what my friends think of me. I don't see lots of them much anymore. Do they think I've changed? Do they miss my being around? It's hard to write this without sounding like a depressed little girl. That's not how it is. Just sometimes I wonder who notices when I'm not around.

But despite the slightly sad reaction I have to this song it's also a brilliant song. Got to love Pete Murray. Makes me think of parties in Melbourne with Jem. Hot summer days in the backyard. Doesn't get much better than that.

When thoughts collide...

I had wondered what would happen in the next step of blogging and I think I have found it. Having more than one blog. Andrew has it. Now Sharyn and Iain. I briefly considered getting myself a second one and putting lyrics I like on it but then I thought again because the first song I would put on would be Don't Cha by The Pussycat Dolls (sing with me Paul and Kate..."don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me....").

Now I've never been a big fan of using the Favourites option in Internet Explorer but here at tec I have no option but to. Currently I have 16 blogs I read. There is just no way I could remember all those URLs! (oh no! using geeky tec terms!!). 16 blogs! That's quite a lot. That's 14 people I know that write on the internet. Actually there's more but I haven't added them all. It's handy having all these things to read though cos with the work I do (work...I use that term loosely) I spend a lot of time on the Internet.

Blog flavour of the week appears to be Cults, Male vs Female and Purau. Didn't go to Purau this time so have nothing really to say about that. Male vs Female: I don't think we're equals in everything. We are equals in how we should be treated but I accept that there's things they can do that I can't. Like fix cars and remember insane amounts of rugby and cricket facts (with the exception of Lilly who I like to call My Fountain Of Rugby Knowledge).

Cults: Until I was 9 my family was in one (I'm sure most of you know this by now from reading other blogs). I don't talk about it much. I'm not even sure if many of my friends know. There's one major difference between me and the rest of my family and that is that I don't remember anything bad from it. To me my childhood was normal and fun. I see the effects that this church had on my family but I don't feel them. I am well aware that if we had stayed in that environment I would be the opposite of who I am today but we didn't stay. Mum and Dad left. So I guess I shouldn't really be commenting on them if I don't have anything really to say about it but too bad. Maybe my point (if I actually have one) is that even though it was bad for so many people lots of good stuff came out of it too. Maybe it's the whole Beauty for Ashes thing. If you don't have the bad stuff you can't know how good the good stuff really is.

And sometimes I feel like people want me to feel pain from it but I can't. To me it's something that happened and it's shaped who I am and so I can't take it back or regret it. And I don't see the point in taking on pain that I don't feel.

Last subject change of the day: Murpheys Law for Friday - No matter how often you have a hair tie with you the day you really want it, it won't be on your wrist anymore!

Old Friends New Friends

I have to apologise in advance if this post is lame and incoherent. I'm tired ok?

This year my friendship group has changed considerably. At tec I found Nas and Kate who are so wonderful for me and to me. And through Kate I have met all my (wonderful) flatmates. I love the feeling of meeting new people and getting my faith in the human race restored by these people and their accepting of me for who I am but there's something bothering me at the same time. These people are so important to me but yet they don't know the other people in my life that are important. They don't know my family or my friends from school or even last year.

I don't really know how to write about this. I just don't understand how I can spend so much time with people and yet they don't know about the people that mean the most to me. Like Shaz and how awesome she sings, Jem and how just wonderful he is and how much I miss him and Deb and how creative she is. And Dave and how much of a brilliant business man he is. And that they haven't even met Chrissy, James and Ruby so don't get me started on them.

And it's not like I can just sit in the lounge with my flatmates and go "have I told you about my family?" cos it's not about telling them, it's about them knowing.