Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Good and The Bad

It is amazing how your home can be such a haven and wonderful place but so unpleasant at the same time.

After our 2 months to Asia my gorgeous partner Tahu moved in with me as he had been living in Australia previously. Every day it is so nice to know that I can see him even if it's just for a moment. I have started having such late nights cos it's so nice just being able to talk to him in person and as he is working nightshift this week he gets home at my bed time!

Also we have an 8 month old baby in our house (her mum is one of our flatmates) and I have to say there is not much better then getting up in the morning and when she sees you she gets this massive grin. She makes me feel so loved! She is beautiful and funny and it has been so exciting the last few weeks being able to see her crawl for the first time and how alert and aware she is getting.

But then also at home, almost every night, there is big confrontations with my other flatmate and her boyfriend. And it's exhausting me. Do you know how hard it is to hear every day that you are the cause of all the problems? That despite everyone else that you've ever met thinking that you were friendly that they're actually all wrong and you are a mean and rude and cruel and awful person. I try so hard to keep telling myself that this is one man who is saying this and that my wonderful friends and family who know me know that I am a good person but when every day you hear this negative stuff about you it really breaks you down. I am so angry about the whole situation and how it has turned out and how ridiculous it is.

And it is hard. It is hard to have someone who was one of your best mates just completely change and sadly this is not the first time I have had this happen. I am pained by girls who do this. When they are single they are strong and beautiful and loving and hopeful people despite the fact there is no man to love them (even though some days it's so hard being lonely) and then the minute they get a boyfriend they become weak and submissive and forget who their friends are. And I am not talking about how they spend time with the guy cos I completely understand that! It disappoints me when people lose themselves because of a relationship.

And I am not claiming to be perfect here! I know I have done it in the past but myself and another close friend who got together with her now fiance just before Tahu and I have both made a conscious effort to NOT lose ourselves and our friends. If these guys are the ones for us and I do think Tahu is then I want him to keep encouraging me to be me!! Not some perfect girl that I think a girlfriend should be.

So I love going home to Tahu and having Nat and baby Madi there to cheer me up when it's been a long day but for now (and it's only for another week) it hurts me to go home too because I know there will be more dramas.

Last night I was almost expecting them to bring up the recession and say that I caused it or perhaps some natural disaster was my responsibility as well! Oh such fun :)

No comments: