Confidence

At the beginning of the year Tahu and I and our friend Nat and her wee girl moved house. We now live in this amazing house that we love. It's big and warm and clean and we have so much space. Part of what I love is that we have a spare room so people can come stay when they want. We had my friend Jamie stay for a few days when she was moving back to the Gold Coast (where I had met her a few years back) and I made a commitment to have my niece and nephews over for the night. So far we've had James and Reuben stay and tonight it's Chrissys turn. Each time we do something special for tea (whether it's something I cook or we get takeout) and we go do something I know they'll enjoy. James and I went to the movies, Reuben just wanted to play xbox and then do some baking the next day. Tonight Chrissy and I are going to the movies to see a 3d movie and then tomorrow I'm planning more baking although still waiting to hear if she's keen on that.

So it all sounds fun and it always works so well and I hope they know we love them to bits by doing this. But there's a catch....I'm so nervous every time that they won't have fun! That they'll go home and only remember it being boring or something. What if baking and movies is a bit young for Chrissy? What if James would rather hang out with his friends then his Aunty? I just don't know.

And recently James has told me a couple of times that I'm one of the best aunties in the world (he only has 3 so I'm at least top 3 surely!). And I was so stoked cos I didn't expect that from Mr 14 and it meant heaps to me but then I realised...what if he's just joking? What if he's just making fun of me? Just pulling my leg? I'm not thinking that cos I think that little of him, just because he's 14 and it's a long time since I've been that age but I can remember what the boys are like! And I hate myself for thinking this because if he really means what he's saying then he is going to be such an amazing man one day that I will be even more proud then I am now that he's my nephew.

It's about me and my lack of confidence in what people think of me. I remember very clearly one day at intermediate when the "cool" girls called me over and made everyone else go away and I was so excited cos I thought they wanted to be friends with me but instead they told me they were sick of hearing about my family and that I talked about them too much and please could I stop. Bare in mind I'm 12 and I've got a new niece and nephew who I'm so stoked with and not a lot else going on so of course I talk about them. I remember the feeling that it wasn't that they liked me at all and I had been completely wrong. And I don't know if that was the beginning of it or if that is just a major one I remember but now I just don't trust that people like me and it amazes me when people like me when they meet me without me having to prove myself to them. And usually I've kept this away from my familiy cos they're family so they love me but now these kids are become adults and can think for themselves and now I start wondering.

And yes I know I've overthought this but that's what I do.

Challenge: Say what you think!

There's something I've been doing recently, and I don't know if it's good or not but I know if I had it done to me I'd appreciate it. How many times a week do you see something about someone or something they've done and think it's great but not tell them? Well I've been telling people instead of just thinking it. Here's 2 examples:

1. A girl I went to school with, we don't know each other except by name. I found her blog and through reading it discovered 2 things, firstly that she had an incredible artistic talent, secondly that her and her husband have 1 little girl but have actually lost 2 more including a boy who was born this year full term still born. I was overwhelmed by what she had gone through and how strong she was, adding to that that she is younger than me! So I emailed her and told her. And we talked for a bit and it made me feel good but was great for her too.

2. The mum of some friends of mine is dying. She has cancer and she wasn't expected to live past Christmas. She is doing amazing but it finding it so hard and wrote a really sad post on her blog. So I emailed her and told her how inspiring she was to me and how I would feel if it was my mum going through what she is. I haven't heard anything back yet.

But it's made me think. Why am I doing this? Why am I emailing these people? They don't know me! They have no reason to care about what I'm saying. But how often do we hear of people dying and then someone saying I wish I'd had a chance to tell them how they'd impacted me. And I don't want to have to say that. I want these people to know that they are more than just ordinary.

So here's my challenge. Tell people when what they do makes you feel something positive (this is a purely positive challenge please!). It doesn't matter if they don't know you or if they'll never have a chance to tell you how it made them feel. Just tell them cos you might be just what they need. Do it!

2 birds with one stone

Bird 1:

On Saturday Tahu was at soccer and it was a cold day so I stayed home and made cookies. We were going to a couple of homes where there would be kids and I wanted to take something so I opened up a book and the first thing I saw inspired me and here is the result:

Bird 2:

Recently I started a photo project. It's where you set yourself a challenge and mine was to do A-Z in June. It is up to me how I interpret that and so for now I'm doing things representing the letters. It's cool cos I have to go and think about the photos, take them, edit them and then somehow I'll present them at the end. Maybe a giant poster or something. I had orginally said that I could take inspiration from others ideas but so far they have all been my own which is cool. The photos above are C for Cookies. I'll put the rest up when I've finished it.

Also the cookie recipe I used is my grandmothers (Mum's mum) recipe. I never met her but I like to think that this is one way that we are connected by this. It's a fantastic recipe and really easy and has nothing special in it so I can make it any time by what is in my cupboard. Thanks Grandma xx

The Oil spill in perspective

So I know the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is bad but I'm not good with understanding gallons and distance and all that but I found a map that allows you to put it anywhere in the world to see what it's like and here's if the spill happened over Christchurch:


Now that's crazy. It would take probably a couple of hours to DRIVE from one end to the other. At least! Imagine the damage it would do!

Reasons to be happy

So the last few weeks have been a bit rough. Not super bad, just grey. Hard to be excited about life with things going wrong and stuff and I hate this feeling and so I'm going to do something I never do which is try and think of all the reasons I should be happy and see if that can help.

In no particular order:

• Tahu
• My family, every single one of them.
  
• I have a job that pays me well
• I have travelled to amazing places that many will never get to see
• We now have 2 cars that work beautifully
• I walked to work this morning. I'm able to do that and it's good for me.
  
• I am awesome at baking and cooking and I am in a situation where I can share with others this thing I love so much.
• We can pay our bills this week AND go to the movies on a date tonight.
  
• I get to see Ironman 2 tonight. Now seeing the movie isn't the good part, it's that I get to spend a Friday night with Tahu, no pressure, no worries. And he will be happy seeing the movie.
  
• I have an awesome cat who loves me even though he doesn't live with me. Rokocoko comes home almost every time I am at mum and dads.
• I completed the Duathlon earlier in the year in much less time then I had thought I'd have to take.
  
• I don't wear makeup every day.
  
• I live in the most beautiful country in the world. And that's not an exaggeration or biased.
• I learn something new every day. Today it is that exaggeration has 2 g's. Who knew!
• I do not live in a black and white world even though others may.
• Writing this list is already making me feel better.
  
• I have read 19 books this year already.
  
• Today is Friday.

Anyone want to add to my list or tell me what's on theirs?

I love my Ipod Touch

So recently I bought myself an Ipod Touch and it's so amazing and I HIGHLY recommend them. One of the things I've done is download a couple of applications that edits photos so here's some results. No new photos, just playing with my favourites. I really love the colours in the polaroids.

Amazing Quote

We had an annual meeting yesterday for my firm and it was to go over all the things we had planned for last year and to see if we'd achieved them and to also go through the goals and things coming up for our next year. It was actually really cool and we all left feeling REALLY excited about being a part of our company and what things we have planned. One thing that was amazing was that our firm is about 6 years old, for the first 2 years we made combined losses of over $1million. This last financial year our revenue was over $5million. I can't remember the profit amount but it was in the millions. How amazing is that? In a massive recession we had a 25% increase in profit from the previous financial year. I think it's safe to say we're doing really well.

At the end, one of the board members, David Brown, stood up and did a bit of a summary ending and part of it was that he read a quote that was made about 160 years ago. He said it applied so well to the economy and our firm but I think it's bigger then that.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way"

- Charles Dickens (1812-1870) -

I really love that quote. It made me think of a few things, including, how Charles Dickens, 160 years ago, thought their time was just a terrible age, and now we are thinking that the things happening in our age are terrible and life back then must have been pretty simple.

Also that you can have 2 people looking at the exact same thing and they see different things depending on their attitudes. Some see it as great, others see it as "the winter of despair".

Lastly, that a man born almost 200 years ago can be still so relevant to our thinking right now.

So what I'm taking from it is to think about how I look at things. Is what I'm seeing actually bad or is it just my attitude? For example, I hate how I look, I'm fat and pale and just not nice. But I am loved. By a lot of people. So when I look at me I should see a person who is good and loved, not a whale with legs.

And instead of seeing how evil and cruel the world is to each other I should look and see the people who help when you need it the most. Like the people passing when my flatmate had a car accident that came and helped her and waited with her.

And so tell me reader(s)....what are the good things in our world? Ignoring all the bad and painful things...what is good in our world, your life and your day?