This Moment

I knew it would come. I didn't think it would come until I met her but it seems to have come already.

In April next year Annie Rose will officially join our family and until a few minutes ago I wasn't overly excited. I knew it would be awesome but when she is still so far from joining us it hadn't quite hit me.

I've just spent a few minutes watching a montage of photos of a little girl called
Kyah Dale Milne which some of you will know of but others may not. I've been following her story for a few weeks and last week she died. Watching those photos was so sad, seeing her going from this gorgeous wee baby to a tiny wee girl playing in a hospital bed.

But what it made me realise is that Annie Rose might not be with us just yet but she will be and I guess I've remembered all the cool stuff I get to see her do as she grows up. Things like hearing her laugh for the first time, hearing her voice when she first starts talking, all that stuff.

I guess what was holding me back was that my niece Chrissy is 15 and she is the coolest person I know. She's become an adult now and I can have conversations with her and hang out with her and I'm just amazed at how cool she is. I'm almost embarrassed to hang out with her cos she's so beautiful and cool and amazing and I'm just me. I went and saw her in a play the other weekend and she was great and she has just got her nose pierced and it's just so exciting having her as a mate and not just as a niece or a little girl. And it seemed like it's so far away that I'll have this with Annie Rose. 15 years! But now I've remembered that it might be 15 years til I get that fun stuff that I have with Chrissy right now but there's also 15 years of fun stuff before that.

I miss travelling

Today I really wish I could be travelling again. I know I have big plans for next year and that this time next month I'll be on a plane to Melbourne but I really wish I could do more than that. I've been looking at people photos on facebook and I miss it so much! I miss that packing, flying, seeing, photographing, that whole thing that goes with it. I miss making stories to tell when I'm old!

I was once asked what I wanted to be when I was old and I said happy. I want to be that old lady in a home that tells anyone that will listen the cool stuff that I've done. And right now I feel like I'm not making those stories. That I'm just in limbo. The limbo with no stories.

But next year, next year I'll make more. Next year I'll travel through Asia and work with kids over there and make great stories.

I just wish I didn't have to wait til next year!

Remember this Shaz?

I saw this Gary Larson cartoon so many years ago and even today it still makes me laugh out loud. If you're not, maybe say the words out loud in a panicked tone.

Pointless Post

I'm not even sure why I'm writing because I'm pretty convinced that nobody even reads this anymore but I guess it's a good thing for me to have when I want to look back later and if any of you know me you'll know that writing is very therapeutic for me.

I went to Stevie Wonder the other day with the lovely Matt Heaney. Honestly he was amazing. His daughter sang too and she has to have the most amazing womans voice I've ever heard. He sang loads of his songs and was so funny. He'd sing a verse and chorus of each song. He played for over 2 hours without a break. He's definitely a legend and I would recommend anyone to go see him eh. Also did you know he's only 58? I thought he was way older than that!

I've been staying with my aunty this week as my uncle had an operation. It's been really nice seeing them a lot lately. They are so lovely to me and I'm stoked they seem to like having me around!

Tomorrow it is a year since Shelley died. I can't believe it's a year already. I presume there are blogs about this but recap is that she was a girl I went to school with and she had breast cancer and died at only 24. I think about her so often. We weren't close but she was someone I absolutely admired.

For so long I didn't have anyone close that had died. When I was 8 my granddad died, a guy I went to school with was killed when we were 18 but in the scheme of things I had been so lucky. Now within a year I've had Shelley, my uncle Ian and my cousin Lynley die. It is something I still can't get my head around and I really don't know how to deal with it. For me, talking about them, writing about them is what seems important. That others know that someone really special and really amazing isn't here anymore. Hard to explain I guess.

Anyways...enough for today.

Labour Day

Not much to report really, hence the lack of posts! Just working, flatting, dieting. You know how it is!

Although next year is shaping up to be pretty awesome. My flatmates are all moving out early next year (having babies and going overseas) so I have to find new ones. So far I have the big room filled as one of my best mates is having a baby and she is going to move in. Will change the dynamic of the flat from having boy flatmates to having a mum and baby but I'm totally happy with that. If I can support her in this way then I'll do it gladly and I know a bit about babies from having several niece and nephews so I'm sure we'll do great! That leaves one room and I have 2 options for that already so will be all good.

And then in October and November next year I will be in Asia. The plan at this stage is to work the first 3 weeks in Cambodia and then the next 2 weeks in Bangalore in India. The rest of the time I will spend traveling up through India, Nepal, Tibet, China and then back down through Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos (maybe) and then Thailand. The work will be with street kids or in an orphanage. The downside is that it costs an awful lot to volunteer in another country! I have to raise about $4500 and that doesn't include my spending money or the traveling part of the trip. I think it is definitely worth the effort though.

So it's gonna be a busy year and watch out for future blogs about my fund raising. I would really REALLY appreciate any amount that you guys can give me and there will be plenty of opportunities next year!

Well it's a gorgeous day outside and I have peeps coming over soon so better go get ready.

Catchup

It feels wrong that I haven't blogged about Lynley. So a previous post you'll see is photos from my trip to Brizzy and the Gold Coast recently. One of the main reasons I went was to see my cousin Lynley who had been diagnosed with cancer. I saw her on July 25th and it was so nice. I hadn't seen her or Graeme (her husband) in years and we didn't spend long together but it was so nice to just touch base and let her know that we love and care about her heaps. On Tuesday the 19th of August she passed away. It was a lot sooner than I had expected.

With Lynley and my Uncle Ian both dying recently it has brought us all a lot closer and reinforced my reason for coming back to Christchurch to spend time with my family. I've started spending time with my Uncle and Aunty on Dad's side and emailing cousins which I've either never spoken to or only when I was very young. It's really hard to say goodbye to Lynley but I know that through her I've met some really great people.

In My Opinion

I have opinions on things. We all do. It's not unusual. Some things I keep to myself unless I'm asked because it wouldn't be a popular opinion but it's still how I think. Recently though I've had 2 people ask me about specific things and then get really upset at my answer.

Seriously, if you don't want my opinion don't ask it. If you can't handle the answers don't ask! It's that simple! Cos I'm honest and I'll tell you the answer. I've had enough dishonestly and so if you ask my opinion then you'll get it. If you can't handle it toughen up.

Let it rain....

So to make up for my super long and thoughtful previous post, here is 2 photos I took from my desk at work. The first is a normal day out the window, the second is from the day we had loads of rain and flooding. I should point out that when it rains there's often a little water in the dip but not ever more than maybe a metre wide. If you can't tell from the photos it's about 5-6 metres wide!

How much is too much?

So I'm single, and have been for a while now. I've been on dates, I've even "been seeing" people in that time but no official boyfriend. And I quite like this single thing eh. Not having to run things past anyone, being able to spend my money as I want and all that stuff. And of course sometimes I miss the companionship but not enough for me to settle for less than what I want.

And I'm a girl so of course I've made lists (in my head...I haven't gone so far as to write it down) of what I want in a guy. Of what I consider boyfriend material.

(I'm feeling very carrie from sex and the city as I write this)


But these last few weeks I've been thinking the maybe I should narrow that list down cos it's getting less and less likely that that man actually exists.

My list has things like, enjoys outdoorsy stuff (so he can challenge me), taller than me, older than me (clearly that one I don't stick too so much), not a fighter, educated, bigger than me (I can't be the fat one in the relationship), someone I'm attracted too, doesn't cheat or lie, has a job, is kinda old fashioned.

Ok things I can live without:

Educated - I guess it's not necessary. I thought it showed things like commitment, that he's a thinker, all that stuff. Maybe that's not so important.

Age - well I've met nice older guys and nice younger guys so that's not a deal breaker. In fact younger ones are a bit more fun.

Taller - if you've met me you'll know I'm short so unless I start dating midgets this one isn't gonna be a problem

Outdoorsy - I've survived so far with never going on a tramp. I'll survive a few more years without it!

Not a fighter - this one's pretty important. I've been out with a fighter and it's such a waste of time. There's nothing less attractive then being with someone who finds it fun to pick fights with other guys to make himself look tough. Who thinks it's cool to go "what you looking at" to the guy who just looked at me as he walked past. I'd go out with a wife beater before I went out with someone like that again. Ok so that one has to stay on the list.

Has a job - important. That's got to be on the list. I'm not gonna support him financially.

Old fashioned - that one's hard to explain so I'll leave that one.

Bigger than me - like I said, I can't be the fat one so that's got to stay!

Someone I'm attracted to - this has to be there. I'm sorry. And it's not superficial because it's someone I'm attracted to not someone everyone else is attracted to.

And I guess this one is what made me start on this post (and if you're still reading...well done!): someone who doesn't cheat and lie. I'm beginning to think it's impossible to find a guy who doesn't cheat. It's like it's part of relationships these days. According to TV and movies it's ok. And I won't for a second claim to be the innocent victim here. I've cheated. I did it in one relationship and I'd never do it again. It wasn't worth the effort! And maybe it's taught me that it's easy to do and you don't do it unless you want to. There's never an excuse. You either want to or you don't.

(And don't ever blame the other person! I don't get how girls get all angry at "the other woman". Do you really think she/he forced him/her to do it? They chose to do it)

I was watching a tv show and a girl had cheated on her boyfriend and this other girl goes "she couldn't get what she wanted so she went somewhere else, what's the big deal?" Is that what we have got to?

Maybe I've lost my point. It's late and been a pretty full on week. The question is: Is it possible to find a guy who fits your requirements? Is there a guy out there who is EVERYTHING I want or do I need to reduce my expectations?

And if there is a guy out there...could he maybe look like heath ledger? or brad pitt? of colin farrell? or...I'll even settle for a brett gardner?? (if you know who the last guy is you'll understand!!)

~ THE HAPPIEST FAIRY TALE EVER ~

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "will you marry me?"

The girl said,"No!"

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank whole bottles of wine, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports unless she wanted to, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her bum, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled and felt and looked fabulous all the time.

~ THE END ~

A weekend in Brisbane and the Gold Coast

The beautiful Rykah Constantine White

View from our balcony

Our shopping....

Me and Kate

Look what I have to live with...

The Luck of the Irish

I sit next to an Irish girl at work. Her name is Ciara (pronounced Keira). She is VERY funny and I've learnt so much about Ireland. Thought I'd share some of my learnings with you.

1. Ireland is 70,000 square kms. Compare this to the South Island which is 180,000 square kms.
2. Ireland has 5,000,000 people. That's a lot of people in a small area!
3. There is one roundabout in Ireland. They go around it.
4. In the middle of the roundabout is 2 blocks of flats. That's where all the people live.
5. There is one school. Everyone is related there.
6. At this school they have egg and spoon races. But they use potatoes instead of eggs.
7. Ciara's friends dad pays for his haircuts with potatoes.
8. There is no 10am in Ireland.

These are the things she has told me.

DISCLAIMER: Numbers 3, 4 & 8 may not be true. Number 1 may have come from Wikipedia, not Ciara.

I'm not usually a fan of Raybon Kan...

...but in this case we are on exactly the same page. This article is DEFINITELY worth a read. Right to the end.


It's not OK to hit someone. Ever.

Emo Blog

Things are good for me. I have a great home in a nearly new house with amazing flatmates. I have a job I really enjoy with people I actually like and they pay me great money. I have a wonderful car that takes me anywhere and everywhere for very little money and looks cool at the same time. I have very few bills, I'm coming off the happy pills I've relied on for a very long time and this means I can finally lose some weight. I have a degree despite leaving school at 16. I've done some pretty cool travel and made some pretty cool friends. Things are all good right now.

But still I am emo. Still I am tired and frustrated by people. I'm tired of having hopes on how a person will be and then constantly being let down by this. What does this tell me? Do I have too higher standards? Do I expect too much from people? Am I a negative person? I'm pretty sure I'm not actually looking for the bad stuff so it's not that.

I am a very sensitive person. I take things personally, I care too much, I expect a lot from people and so I get hurt. And this makes me angry and so I go to sleep most nights thinking about how all I feel is hurt and angry at people who have let me down. What's this about? Is this some psychological thing? Is this normal to have expectations of people and have people not meet these expectation?

This is a confusing post I know because I can't give examples without it giving away the people I'm talking about. Maybe I'm just tired and should go to bed and watch my beautiful new Sony 32" LCD tv.

Ok.

Uncle Ian

As you have probably seen on my Mum’s blog, my Uncle Ian died yesterday. It is such a strange feeling as I have not actually met him because he didn’t want to meet us. I guess I held the hope that one day he would want to. He’s my uncle, I’m his niece. We are family, how could he not want to meet me? He’s had the opportunities but not ever taken them. To be totally honest I’m hurt and I’m offended by this. I absolutely adore my nieces and nephews and can’t imagine not knowing them. But these feelings are secondary to the fact that I lost my uncle yesterday and my Mum lost her brother. And it’s sad. A death in the family is a death in the family, irrespective of how close you are.

And we were told that Lynley has months not years. It is suspected that the cancer is not just in her lungs, her liver, her skin and her spine but it is now in her brain stem as well. But, thanks to my wonderful friend Kate, I do get to go to Brisbane next month to see her. I haven’t seen her in a long time but suddenly that’s irrelevant and I just want to see her and hang out with them. I’m worrying though about what to say when I see them but I think that’ll just come when the moment does.

Yes I am a geek!

Tonight I finished my 14th book of the year. Yes that's right. I've read 14 books so far.

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Identical Strangers by Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein - about twins that were seperated at birth to take part in a study and didn't find out they were twins until they were in their 30s (True story)

2. If I'm missing or dead by Janine Latus - quite hard out (True story)

3. BTK by various authors - about the BTK serial killer. Slightly more detail than I was prepared for but interesting how they caught him (True story)

4. Time Lottery by Nancy Moser - not bad for a light read

5. Notes From My Travels by Angelina Jolie - interesting read, especially when she was in Cambodia (True story)

6. Missing by Susan Lewis

7. Rachels Holiday by Marian Keyes - always a fan of her stuff but really couldn't identify with the main character so didn't like it as much as others

8. On The Beach by Neville Shute - the second time I've read it and loved it this time just as much as last. Really old book about some people in Melbourne just after the 3rd world war and the world is slowly being covered by nuclear fallout and so everyone is dying. Actually really really good considering the topic. Its realistic and HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

9. Tomorrow when the war began - again based in ausy. Fantastic kids book. Didn't realise it was one of a series until I got into it so can't wait to read the rest and if anyone has the next one let me know if I can borrow it!!

10. Sugababe - rubbish. Absolute rubbish.

11. Making of Me by Tegan Wagner - about an ausy girl who was gang raped when she was 14 and how she got through it. Actually a really good read. Nice to read a book that's true and see a young girl who had loads against her turning out good (True story).

12. If you could see me now by Cecelia Ahern - hated it most of the way through until I got the end and now I just love it. Have loved all of this authors books so far. And also the movie PS I love you which just came out (that was the first book I read of hers). She's Irish and the same age as me I believe. Doing amazingly!

13. Lucky Child by Loung Ung - This is the sequel to First They Killed My Father. About Loungs time in America after she escaped Cambodia and then her returning to meet her family 16 years later. Amazing. I had read the first one and then found this one in Cambodia. (True story)

14. Hiroshima by ?? - about several people's experiences in Hiroshima and then an additional chapter on the end of an update of where they are 40 years later. Great read. (True story)

Phew! Can't believe it as I write it all down. I'm surprised at the variety but at the same time being able to see themes of things that interest me like Cambodia, Australia and true stories.

ok time to go...slightly embarrassed.

Graduation - B ICT, March 2008

Dreamworld - in no particular order!

I'm very strong

Its Joey patting a joey!!

For all the Kiwis Overseas...

From talking with other kiwis around here and from my own experience here is some things that we miss when we're not in New Zealand:

- Steak and Cheese pies
- Nice cadbury chocolate
- Burger King (Hungry Jacks is awful)
- Cookie times...any flavour
- Tui/Export beer
- K bars
- Good fish and chips
- tap water...tap water!!!! oh to drink some nice tap water!
- Steak and Cheese pies
- Roses chocolates
- nice custard powder

Probably the list goes on but that's all I have for now. Comment with more if you can think of them.

he is so cute!

This is the picture that is on my desktop. Isn't he so cute? He's a lot bigger now but still has that same face! I love Rokocoko!

Raina is BLONDE!!!

Here's some quotes from her:

"Oh you're Iranian...so you're from Iraq"
"Jandels originate from Romania...you know how we used to wear roman jandels at school? They're from Romania"

Hahahaha...its roman sandels!!! and romans aren't from romania!!

A Day in the Life of Jo

1. Wake up and wish it wasn't morning. Roll over and look at the clock. Realise it's not morning, its 4am and I'm in Queensland where they don't understand the concept of Daylight Savings. Surely nobody actually thinks having the sun be up by 4am and be down by 7pm in summer is a good thing! Go back to sleep.

2. Wake up cos my alarm is going off. Get up, have shower (no waiting for shower either, love the ensuite), have breakfast while playing on the Internet.

3. Catch bus/walk to work. Spend all of that time muttering to myself and anyone that will listen about how ridiculously bad the Gold Coast bus system is and how often the bus's just don't turn up! It'll be a hot day in Wales when a Gold Coast bus is on time!

4. Work. Spend that time muttering to myself about how sore my feet are from standing in cheap shoes and winding myself up about how some people have no concept of money. Their idea of money troubles is that they have to buy the 8 bedroom house cos they can't afford the 9 bedroom one! And reminding myself that I doubt that I'd ever get plastic surgery because its called plastic for a reason!

5. Go home. Spend all of that time muttering to myself and anyone that will listen about how ridiculously bad the Gold Coast bus system is and how often the bus's just don't turn up! It'll be a hot day in Wales when a Gold Coast bus is on time!

6. Play on the Internet/watch rubbish ausy tv/eat bad food/hang out with caraaazzzziii people!

7. Go to bed.

I have to be honest...when I was thinking about writing this post last night as I went to sleep I didn't notice how much I talk to myself!

Great line

Ausy tv is rubbish. If you think NZ tv is bad don't watch it here. It feels like I'm watching crappy sunday afternoon tv and then realise it's prime time and they just have nothing good to watch. Which means what I'm about to say even more amazing! Just heard a great line on an ad for a tv program that's starting soon:

"Stop thinking I'm a survivor and start thinking I'm a success!"

How great is that? Well it is to me. I'm always saying: look at what I've done considering... when I should just be saying: look at what I've done.

PS the Gold Coast is awful. I've never seen so many women with plastic surgery in my life and I'm not joking. Every thing is fake here, boobs, face's, tans, people. I think I'm hideous and fat enough as it is without having to compete with people who's beauty is literally fake! I've met some fantastic people but I realised tonight that none of them are from the Gold Coast. And any I have met are awful! And I'm not exaggerating.

I'm so tired of struggling, not having enough money, not having people who have known me more than a month, not having my family around, not having rokocoko, of being let down by people, not having a job I enjoy and having to watch my friends get my perfect jobs at first go. Its awful to get into the real world and realise it really is as bad as it looks. And I'm tired of nobody hugging me!

But Kaija will be here next tuesday and wednesday and I honestly can't wait. I can't wait to see her and I possibly will cry at the airport when I see her (maybe this will be because its 6.30 am and I've just spent 2 hours getting there from my home).

Ok I'll leave it on that note. Can't wait to see Kaija!!!

Lots of photos to look at I know but I have been slack with putting up pictures and thought this would be an easy way to show everyone a bit of what I've been up to. These last pictures are from a party we had at Raina's apartment for Julz's birthday. Pretty much all of us didn't know each other until about 3 weeks ago which just makes how much fun we had even more impressive!

The awesome Pavlova I made

Seaworld, Gold Coast - 26 Jan 08

This is a Dugong. I'd never even heard of it!

Ana (my flatmate), Tracey, Raina, Me and Kelly (all met through working at Contact 1-2-1)

The dolphin show that was truly amazing! Also highly recommend the Sea Lion show and basically the whole of sea world. Highlight though would still be the polar bear.

My favourite pictures from our Asia Trip

The beach where we stayed in Baan Kruit, Thailand

The pool that looked out to the sea in Baan Kruit, Thailand

Sunset at Angkor Wat, Cambodia

The worlds biggest man made moat at Angkor Wat, Cambodia

The trees that grow out of the buildings at Ta Phrom, Angkor Wat, Cambodia

I have a thing for flowers...

Here's some pictures I took in Thailand and Cambodia: